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If I Don't Scare the Cows, Who Cares?

Self Portrait – 12-22-2012. ” The wilder the hair the less people bother with me.”

Well, it is a few days before Christmas here at the Casa de Petro somewhere in the Western Eagle Ford, South Texas, USA.  The debit card took several near lethal hits and I stretched Amazon to the limit and endured the bitching and scathing stink eye of the Bad UPS Lady  to git ‘er done but it looks like I pulled it off.  There are several packages for Miss Kathy secreted in various crannies around the Old Girl.  I can’t say they are all wrapped in festive Christmas paper because they aren’t.   I tried for years to figure out how to wrap prizes up all neat and pretty and just finally give it up.  It is like dancin’, if you can’t dance at some point you just gotta face the facts and give  up on it.  Some prizes are in the Amazon box they arrived in;  the really primo presents are all tied up neat as you please in  HEB plastic grocery bags…… mainly because I can. I can just about guarantee some reader is going to comment and say my Christmas Spirit is lacking.  Lord knows I got my share of self-appointed self-annointed critics these days.  I appreciate everyone’s opinion but forgive me when I say it is what it is.  I am an avowed curmudgeon and I can’t unring that bell.   If you want to get the real lowdown on what I think about the advantages of curmudgeonry, people from France, black helicopters, singing pigs and the inanity of blogs, go check out my previous blog post, The Evolving Curmudgeon  replete with high dollar custom graphics.

Sometime in the next few days, Miss K is going to blow out down toward the Border to visit her Mom who lives in the stockade-fenced RV Nudist Ranch.  Hell, she may even be there now since I am putting this in the can several days before Christmas.  She oughta have some good tales when she comes back and maybe I will relate them here.  We figured it would be a good time for a visit since it was a bit chilly even here in South Texas;  Snowbird nudity should be minimal but then again ya never know.  She is bad about taking pictures with that iPhone;  hopefully I won’t have to review any photos that leave me permanently scarred.  Yessiree buddy, we live in interesting times; we certainly do.  Didn’t expect that did ya?  Sorta how it goes around here.  One of the nicest comments I ever got from a regular reader was “I never know what to expect when I open up your blog and see a new post.”

A few days ago, I mentioned I had the intention of writin’ some fiction and puttin’ it on here.  Sure enough some readers pipe up and say they do not visit here to read fiction.  Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!    <sigh>    I hate to break it to you good folks but if you dropped in to see what I have for supper day in and day out or how bad the dust was today or how I keep my black tank smelling like French Perfume or how I tune in an internet signal when we are parked at some drilling pad on the back side of Mars you are likely to be disappointed most times.   If you truly have a hankering to read blogs of such ilk, I can point you to several because I read them EVERY day. Sure I do, it is sorta like peepin’ over your neighbor’s privacy fence in the suburbs to see what they are doing.  It may not be all that interesting but you feel compelled to keep up with the goings on and we are a curious bunch.  Sorry, but you will rarely get that kinda fare here.

Because this is the dealio my friends; I like to play in the undertow and bark at the stars -always have.  Every once in a great while, some words might fall out of my brain on to the screen before you now.  Combinations of  words presented just so that reach down inside and piss you off but stay on your mind ’till next week. Words that cause you to get a catch in the back of your throat and cause your to eyes water up. Words that make your hair stand up and get chicken skin all over.  Words that elicit “That is really the way I feel but I never could give voice to my unspoken thoughts.”   Sometimes in a great while it really does happen  and I give a shout out to Ol’ Gutenberg and Al Gore for giving me the means to make the magic.

That is what I got on tap for the New Year.  If you don’t like the fiction, let me know.  If you don’t understand why I got to write it or if you don’t accept the fact that I can write it  even after I wrote this post;  Don’t let the door hit you in the ass…..and that is all I have to say on that subject.

End Note: Taste of Danger from the single by Davey Knowles and Back Door Slam with Jonatha Brooke

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7 comments to If I Don’t Scare the Cows, Who Cares?

  • joel

    I always assumed everything posted here was fiction, and that you’re really a former Wall Street executive blogging from Palm Springs about your fantasy life in the Texas desert. Am I wrong?

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    • Andrew

      Most certainly Joel! You know everything on the internet is true..

      Or maybe I am a bored housewife in Scranton? Whose to know?

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      • joel

        Nah. You don’t write like a girl.

        (glances nervously at Miss K)

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  • Doris

    Me? I’m looking forward to each and every stray thought that comes out in story form! Love it already!

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    • Andrew

      Be careful what you ask for Doris! I do appreciate the confidence. I hope it is not mis-placed.

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  • LJ

    good Lord, I’m guessing that your comments, stories, experiences have brought back my memories of my Life on the farm
    1992-1997. The experience of going broke, working 24/7, extra hot, extra cold, deceit, dishonested neighbors, thievery was not something I was had planned on. and just now the thoughts of those memories bring laughter, and a trove of stories and history to not repeat. Oh the joys of growing older, I just hope life’s history makes some sense to those that I throw these stories too.

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  • LJ

    Andy-Kathy, I am traveling and dreaming on the Vicarious-thought train, I filled my spare time w/ web surfing while on the farm, and my E.R. nightshift non-busy times w/ cruising travel blogs. Now we have a 37foot Cedar Creek that sits, hooked up to the elec.and water lifeline here at home, waiting for the occassional fishing trip, and times when my wife can pencil in a few days off. My oldest daughter arrived w/ navy husband just yesterday in Newport, R.I. for year 16 of his navy career. I will venture forth on a drive up there, delivering Christmas toys to the GrandsKids in March

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