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Rogue of the Rio Frio

hippie-chickI got a phone call from My Other Brother, Tittlemouse Jones, this weekend and I thought to myself ‘What it is it now?  Does he need bail money?  Has he figured out how to run an internal combustion engine on what comes out of a lawnmower bag?  What?’  You see, it could be just about anything with the Tittlemouse as he is acknowledged to be the smartest of the brothers.  He said ‘I woke up Tuesday morning and Carol Ann was gone.  She cleaned out the RV and took the Z71 and left.’  

Well, since this was Friday and the thief in the night episode had occurred on Tuesday I had more than a little problem with upgrading this from mildly interesting to worldly crisis status.  Plus, you gotta take into account  T-Mouse’s dealio when it comes to the women.   He has been married just about as many times as there are days in the week.  Thank goodness Baby Jesus,  he is more wife prolific than he is procreant.   You would expect him to have double digit numbers of young ‘uns running around when in fact his offspring are only one in number.   It has always been a source of wonder to me that T was such a hit with the women.  He has managed to partner up with more stunners by far than the double coyote ugly variety.  My Bro will reference it as ‘she was no slouch.’  and for the most part he is correct.  T prefers the hippie chick lookin’ blond above all else and Carol Ann fit the bill to the letter.  He told me once she didn’t own a bra and being as how she was a handsome 34D I played it as new news with a straight face. Christ on a cracker,  like I hadn’t figured that one out already Tittlemouse.

Obviously, he was wanting to talk so I figured I would be obliging.  ‘How did she manage that with you asleep 10′ away in an RV that is all of 200 square feet to start with?’

‘Hellfire Bro, you know I sleep like I am dead to the world.  I never heard a damned thing.’

Yeah I know T;  you routinely take a good dose of that Jim Beam sleep aid so I can full well be believing that one.  ‘So what all did she get?’ 

‘Well, she got every bit of her stuff,  my Colt Combat Government Model and that new Colt M4  I just bought before everybody went Obama crazy.’ 

‘Cleaned your plow, huh?  Any idea why?  She got another boyfriend or a winning lottery ticket or what?’

‘God, who knows? Looks to me like she had been planning it for awhile.   She waited until the direct deposit hit the joint account, cleaned it out and hit the road.  Her and that silly dog.’

‘You heard from her dude?’

‘Not really.  I called her and texted her.  She did send me a text that she was safe.  I guess it will all sort out.   Not like I ain’t been here before, ya know.’

‘Anything you need me to do?’

‘Nah,  I’m good.  It is what it is.  I gotta tell ya though,  I DO miss that dog.’

‘Well, She can’t eat ya. Holler if you need anything.

‘I’ll do it.  See ya.’


Putting the cell phone down, I reached for another sup of coffee and thought about T-mouse.   Carol Ann belonged in the stunner category and was easily 10 years T’s junior.   She was a hard bitten survivor of life and I feared Tittlemouse was most likely in for a stormy division of what had once been a happy union.  The well planned exit did not bode well for the Tittlemouse team; I fear he will be outclassed on all fronts by this woman with a heart of granite.  You see, T is not exactly the toughest man that ever wore shoes.  I told him once ‘You would give your last dollar to a stranger on the street and never think twice.’  God’s honest truth; that statement.  That Carol Ann was the diametric opposite for sure.  She didn’t sew buttons on for nobody but herself.  As much as I hated to admit it to myself I had to give her a degree of respect, I knew she was going to be a handful to deal with and I hated it for Tittlemouse.   Funny how things that began on such a promising note in a small Justice of the Peace’s office in East Texas with seemingly genuine promises of for better or worse and love, honor, cherish and obey can turn to shit in such a short time.


End Note: If It Hadn’t Been for Love by The Steeldrivers  from the Steeldrivers debut cd.

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